Merry Christmas!!

And so this is Christmas... and what have I done?

Nothing, it seems, to this poor little blog. I'm so sorry for my absence, but it turns out that the last year of high school spits out a large amount of homework, and so when I have free time I sort of relish it and let my brain shut down, essentially.

But apologies are not the purpose of this post. Today is Christmas Eve, and in about half an hour it will officially be Christmas. So...

Merry Christmas!

Last year I posted the passage from Luke that is the Christmas story. The link to it is here: LINK! and I will post the URL at the bottom of the post.

My four year old nephew has a habit of justing shouting Happy Birthday! to everyone when he knows it's a special occasion. No, he's not getting his celebrations mixed up, he's just a little monkey like that. But today when he stood in the middle of my living room and shouted it, it somehow seemed appropriate.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Talking to my mom today, I mentioned how every year, Christmas more and more seems to lose its sparkle. I no longer get all giddy at the thought of it, and instead of wanting to stay up all night (to see "Santa"), I'm actually pretty darn sleepy right now. The only reason I'm still up is that this blog post is my present to you, my few but very much loved readers.
However, this isn't to say that I'm not excited for Christmas now. I'm actually quite excited. The sensation that I get is akin to the one I get when my two year old niece snuggles up to me and falls asleep... you know, that warm sensation that travels down to your toes and up to your nose? Christmas has stopped being this awesome time where I get lots of presents from this big guy with a tummy as large as his toy sack, and more about
a little baby who was born in a manger this day and just so happens to have saved all of our souls.

My pastor during today's sermon mentioned the lyrics to the song Mary Did You Know?, and I'd like to end this post with them (I always attend the Christmas eve service... if I didn't, I don't think it would quite feel like Christmas). And I think that they are enough in themselves... they don't need to be elaborated upon. I'd suggest doing a youtube search on the song if you aren't familiar with it, because it's one of the most gorgeous Christmas/Advent songs you'll ever hear. I recommend Kenny Roger's version, but that would be because my family is way into country music, and all our Christmas CDs are by country artists. Ergo, a country version of the song is way more Christmas-y to me.

Mary, did you know that your baby boy
Would one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy
would save our songs and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy
has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
will soon deliver you...

Mary did you know that your baby boy
will give sight to the blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy
will calm the storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy
has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God...

Oh Mary, did you know...

The blind will see
The deaf will hear
The dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the Lamb!

Mary did you know that your baby boy
is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy
will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy
is Heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping child you're holding is the
Great
I
Am...

~Godspede

The URL: http://justtryasking.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas.html
The Bible passage in it: Luke 2: 1-20 (NIV)

Muses: Poor, Unfortunate Souls

This is an excerpt from my pastor's sermon:

Famous Christian author, Tony Campolo, once said that on one of his mission trips to Haiti, he was walking the streets, praying for this poverty-stricken country. Three little girls approached him from the street. The oldest one of them was fifteen; the other two much younger.
As they approached him, the oldest one said, "Sir, if you give me ten dollars you can have me for the night." Campolo wondered how many American businessman had come to Haiti and used God's children in that way.
He said, "Really? For ten dollars, I can have you for the night?"
She said, "Yes."
He said, "Well, what about your friend here; can I have her for the whole night for ten dollars also?"
She said, "Yes."
He pointed to the third girl. "How about you; can I have you for ten dollars for the whole night?"
She said, "Yes."
He said, "Fine. Meet me at this hotel at six o'clock tonight." They agreed to be there. He went back to his hotel and rented a VCR and had it brought up to his room. He scoured the city for Disney tapes and bought all of them that he could find. At a quarter to six, he ordered four banana splits (one was for him!). When they came, they stayed up late eating banana splits and watching The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and other movies. The last of them conked out at one in the morning.
For at least one night, those children were given their childhood back because someone cared enough to treat them as Jesus taught us.

Imagine the life a prostitute lives.
Imagine being so poor and so desperate that you'd actually sell your body to complete strangers.
...poor souls with nothing else to turn to.
And then imagine being fifteen or younger and doing this. By entering into such a life, which they had doubtlessly been in for years already, they not only sell their bodies but also their innocence, their childhood, their purity.
It warms me down to my toes to know that someone took the initiative to give back their childhood and their young innocence, even if just for a few hours. It's such a powerful move... and what a perfect way to evangelize. This man didn't walk up to the girls and berate them for giving themselves away time and time again and for making a poor life choice. No, he looked at them and saw children being forced by their social and economic circumstance to behave like adults, and decided to change that for at least one night.

"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35 NKJV)

~Godspede

Tidbits: Reformation Day.

October 31st is called Reformation Sunday in the Lutheran church. It is the day, historically, when Martin Luther nailed the 95 Theses to the doors of the Catholic Church, which was the thing that really seemed to kick-start the protestant Reformation. To honour this (as I am a Lutheran), I thought I would put some of Martin Luther's quotes up, the ones that I find particularly special, and just, you know, comment on them. Like I do.

~~~

"Even though I am a sinner and deserving of death and hell, this shall nonetheless be my consolation and my victory that my Lord Jesus lives and has risen so that He, in the end, might rescue me from sin, death, and hell."
I find that the most beautiful thing about Christianity is that we are sinners and so undeserving of love that really, God should just throw his hands in the air and give up on us. But he doesn't. He just keeps on believing in us again and again and again.

~~~

"God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars."
I read a story one time about a monk who spent his entire life trying to find God. In his old age, he was in the midst of despair because of his lifetime of dedication when all of a sudden, a leaf blew in front of him. Then all of a sudden he realized that the leaf... it was God. The trees, the water, the very ground that he sat on, every object around him, everything was God. And that news made him so happy that he got up and he just danced.
God is certainly found in nature, and all around us. I can feel it every time I watch the sun set or feel the breeze brush against my skin.

~~~

"If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there."

This is my last, and my favourite. Who wants to live somewhere that you can't experience joy?

I believe that in heaven, there will be laughing and joy, dancing and singing. It'll be the merriest party we've ever seen, and it will be made the merriest by the presence of our Heavenly Father.

~Godspede

Another comic for the day

I have another comic I'd like to share. The website, once again, is not a religious website. The artist simply happens to occasionally draw things that are religious. And again, this comic is more often then not dirty, and it usually contains swears. The name of the site is Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal and it updates daily (even on weekends!)
This particular comic isn't really what I'd consider funny. It just made me blink then smile, softly. It rings pretty close to home.

The URL is: http://www.smbc-comics.com

Link to comic: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1851

And here it is (Warning, it's long):


~Godspede

Tidbits: Let My Words Be Few

I find it easier to concentrate on homework if I have music playing around me, so today as I wrote a paper on English I had a playlist on Youtube of Christian songs. When one song came on I happened to glance at it and saw an incredibly long post by the creator of the video. I decided to read it, and I thought I'd share it with you. The link to the video is at the bottom of this post, and if you click on the title of this post it'll bring you there (note: if you have a Windows and hold the ctrl-key while clicking the title, it'll pop it up on a new tab/window) (note #2: I've fixed his/her typos, and only the ones that are possible to "fix" without changing the meaning of his/her post).

Music video slide show created and inspired by the beautiful Christian worship song Let My Words Be Few by Phillips, Craig & Dean. I couldn't sleep very well one night this past week so I decided to peruse the Internet while at the same time listening to the Christian music radio station. I came across something online that peaked by interest. What I was viewing were actual photos from the NASA Hubble telescope. One of the photos was that of a nebula in our galaxy. A nebula is a large and colorful conglomeration of gas, dust and other matter that can be several light years in size. A nebula is what occurs prior to the birth of a new star. The short description next to the photo stated that this nebula was so far away that the image snapped by the Hubble telescope took place 3,000 years before Jesus was born on earth. The attached article went on to explain that our Milky Way galaxy is nearly 100,000 light years across. In other words if we could travel at the speed of light, or 186,000 miles per second, it would take 100,000 years to cross it. If you do the math, that is 586,971,360,000,000,000. For the record, that's 586 quadrillion, 971 trillion, 360 billion miles across. And within our own galaxy, the nearest sun to our sun is 4 light years way, which is a "mere" 25 trillion miles. And we are only talking about the Milky Way galaxy, not to mention the hundreds or even thousands galaxies around it.

God is so incredible and so awesome we can barely comprehend how big He really is. But God didn't create just things that are incredibly huge. As we all know, all matter is made up of incredibly tiny particles. As early as the 1800's, scientists believed that molecules were the smallest structures in the universe. They were able to see them with a regular microscope. But by the end of that century they realized that molecules were made up of even smaller particles called atoms. Atoms cannot be seen by any typical microscope, it requires an electron microscope. So just how small is an atom? If you lined up the atoms in a straight line on a period printed on this page it would take 2 million atoms to cross the diameter of that period. And if that is not incomprehensible enough, today we know that there are particles that are thousands of times smaller inside the atom. For example the neutron, a particle located inside the atom, is 10,000 times smaller than the atom.

Again, God is so incredible and so awesome we can barely understand how significant He really is. During His creation, God was the ultimate chemist, physicist, astronomer, and biologist. He was most certainly an artist, a maker of all of our world's and universe's beauty. He was the lawmaker of all of the unseen forces that make "nature" orderly and predictable. The universe as it exists was not produced by some cosmic accident. I know with all my heart that the conditions of creation were intricately planned and considered. A mindless uncontrolled "big bang" would result in destruction and chaos, not the life and order we now see. Thus God created the big and the small, so incredibly big and so infinitely small that is difficult to describe or comprehend it.

The most amazing thing to me is that as small and insignificant we truly are relative to the size and complexity of the entire universe that God created, the Bible tells us that what the Lord wants most is a relationship with each and everyone of us and that He is there for us at all times, if only we will reach out to Him. And if we conclude that God truly is the maker of all things huge and small as described previously, then why do we have difficulty surrendering our will to him? Are we so blind or arrogant to think that our problems, our hurts, our habits or our hang-ups are too big or too complicated for God?

That evening as I was looking at the photos of the stars, planets and galaxies and researching related articles, a song came on the radio called Let My Words Be Few. One of the verses in that song hit me like a lightning bolt: "I Stand in Awe of You". That is exactly how I felt at that very moment; that is, how awesome God really is. This backdrop was the inspiration for the following music video that I created that night using real photos that I found on the Internet and that beautiful song, Let My Words Be Few performed by the Christian group Phillips, Craig & Dean. It was totally God-inspired. True to the title of the song, the lyrics are indeed simple and few. But that may be the best way to describe how we should feel and act when we come to pray and humble ourselves to our wonderful creator. He truly is our Alpha and Omega. It doesn't get any simpler than that. To Him, I stand in awe.
                                                                                                        --HaitiMissionary

http://youtu.be/12z4dvc2kjo


~Godspede

Visions: Nails

Note: I had to climb a tree to get this picture. I was higher than the roof of my boathouse. Appreciate it.

When one of my older brothers was a preteen, he didn't want to build a treehouse; he wanted to just put platforms in a tree so that it still had that adrenaline feeling of being in a tree, but had the stability and comfort to stay up there for a while. These platforms went way high up in the tree, higher than he'd ever be able to climb without them.
When my younger brother and I became old enough to climb trees, we naturally loved these platforms. The only problem is that since my older brother is my elder by six years, these platforms had become pretty unstable---they had only been made out of chipboard. So my trusty little brother borrowed a hammer from my dad and knocked off the boards, which were mostly rotten. He tried to pull out the nails but they were stuck fast. And every time I see the nails, I can't help but hear the voice in my head label them as a "nail in the tree".

Tidbits: Promises

On the bulletin board in my kitchen, there's a little poem that's been there for as long as I can remember. A few years ago my mom got me to retype it, as it was so old and so punctured by thumbtacks that it was falling apart. I typed it to be exactly the same as it had been before, down to the little picture of the Trinity that was beside it, and I thought it was appropriate to share here.

God has not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our life through.
God has not promised sun without rain,
Day without sorrow; peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labour, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.


 ~Godspede

Visions: Little dude

First off, yes. Yes, I do call my four-year old nephew little dude. He grins, does a little "how absurd!" laugh that he got from his daddio (my brother), then runs off to tackle his Uncle Great (Greg).

Now, to my pictures. When I go to bed at night, there's a wall that I wind up staring at until my eyes obey my command to stay closed. On this wall, I've hung things that make me smile: my certificates to prove I've passed certain levels in piano (first class honours with distinction, baby), art from when I was younger, heartfelt things people have bought me, and best of all -- art my nephew has made me.

Last Easter, he painted everyone watercolour pictures and gave them as gifts. He's so precious... my best friend (my brothers call her "pseudo-sis") was sitting next to me, over for Easter. My nephew hadn't anticipated this, so when he had given everyone their art and he didn't have one for her, he thought for a minute and told me that the painting he gave me could be for both of us (his words, I believe, were "umm... aunty, that's for you and her, K?")
I asked him what the painting was of, and he told me that it was "Princess turning into the Easter bunny" (Princess is my cat, remember).
So precious.

This was the top half of the birthday card he gave me this year. I love his drawings of people!! They have hair, arms, legs, and eyes with pupils! So awesome...
This is two people jumping rope. I asked him what it was about and who the people were, and he thought about it then said he couldn't remember. Heh.

These are some tulips that he made my mom and I. I can't remember how long ago they're from, I just know that I keep them in that porcelain watering can I won at a bridal shower. It seemed useless at the time, but now it has a purpose. And yes, it is posing on top of my laptop.

Art given from a 4-year old feels so special, doesn't it? There's just something particularly gratifying about knowing that a child loves you. It's like it gives you a place in the world. And this little child is full of lots and lots of love... he's a blessing in a little, rambunctious package.

~Godspede

Tidbit: Joy

It's amazing how ordinary things can be so inspirational and so uplifting.

This blog is aware that my French teacher died last year (see here). On the day that we found out, I happened to have choir practise that afternoon. I went with my best friend even though we were both pretty emotionally stripped. When we showed up, I told the choir leader what had happened---my friend burst into tears after hearing me just start the sentence.
That practise was very sombre. Whereas they are usually filled with laughing and teasing and the general weirdness that befits us, at this one we barely even smiled. We were distinctly just going through the emotions without feeling or meaning a single word that we sang.
The last song we did was called "Days of Elijah". I'm sure you can youtube it and find the melody, but our particular arrangement of it is very upbeat, with an infectious rhythm and a bouncy piano part. We debated whether or not we should actually sing it.
Eventually I sat at the keys and stared at the page for a few seconds then started to hit the notes, feeling mostly unemotional. But as I began to play through it and the singers joined in, my voice mingling with their's, I felt my fingers begin to become more lively.
About halfway through the song I looked up at my friend, who was looking back at me. I had a small smile from the pure enjoyment I was getting from playing that piano part, and she saw my smile and got a small one of her own. Her small smile made mine grow, which made hers grow, and so on until I chuckled and she got lost and we both started laughing as we entered into the chorus of the song. After the practise we still had those smiles on our faces and our spirits were considerably lifted. That one song, with its fun beats and inspiring lyrics, managed to make our whole day better.
I thought of this at my choir practise yesterday, a different one without that friend. We sang Days of Elijah, and as I sat down at the keys I got a small, sad smile thinking of that French teacher, then a warmer smile as I remembered what a wonderful effect that song has.
I just thought I should share.

~Godspede

Muses: Good/Bad

When I was just coming out of my really low spell, my mom had this habit where every morning, sometime after I'd gotten downstairs (my bedroom is upstairs) and there wasn't too many people around me, she'd ask me "is this a good day or a bad day?" Good days, back then, just meant that I had the will to live. Gradually as I got better the meaning expanded, growing to include not feeling irritable, having a bit of a smile, laughing occasionally, and upward. Bad days used to mean that I was exploring the depths of despair again, toying with ideas that are not light enough to be toyed with. Though of course days where I feel like that always will be bad days, they also grew to include lighter definitions as my mood crept upwards on the depression scale: things like feeling listless, irritable, extremely distracted and, my old normal, numb.
My mom asked me that question again a few days ago. She's quite perceptive of when I've been creeping down the scale, so she notices the reasons behind my seemingly random mood swings. The huge benefit to this is about my irritability. See, I have a rather bad temper. So when I'm feeling down in the dumps, I'll often wake up with this ball of anger wenched in my stomach, just waiting to burst out and punch someone in the face. I do my best to control it, but I wind up being less than polite to everyone. My mom, such a kind person, puts up with it if she sees its reasonable cause. I love my mom. Have I mentioned that before?
My answer was it was a bad day, because I felt alone in the world... alone, with no one to love me because I was so worthless. I've discovered that I have self-worth and self-image issues, which results in me being very hard on myself. So my mom walked over and gave me a huge hug, kissed the side of my head, and told me that she loved me and that she'd never stop.
It felt good to be loved.

This event made me realize something. That question is so important to ask ourselves everyday.
Is this a good day or a bad day?
Knowing the answer will drastically change how we look at ourselves. For example, today was a good day for me, so I was able to practise for a couple of hours at the piano, drilling bits that were difficult and challenging myself around every corner. But yesterday was a bad day, and I couldn't even finish one song. I didn't push myself, either, because I knew I would get frustrated and end up feeling like I was just too stupid to ever learn a piece like that. I recognized the state of my emotions, and I was able to adjust accordingly.

Is this a good day or a bad day?
On a good day, I'll stay at home and I'll read. I'll finish that stuff I've been letting pile up. I'll clean my room; I'll do menial work that just has to be done, no matter how much I hate doing it.
On a bad day, I'll call up a friend and talk for an hour, then go to her house and hang. I'll play a video game, I'll watch a movie. I'll turn on a comedy rant that I love and laugh my butt off. Key thought, here: I'll distract myself. I know that my bad days will become worse if I try to subject myself to solitary activity. So I'll get happy stuff around me. I'll fake a good day. Something I learnt a while back is that if you fake a good day for long enough, it'll stop being fake.

~Godspede

Now I'm asking you

So. I've noticed that I have more followers to this blog... people that I don't actually know. While this is cool, it also means that I don't know what you're looking for. So if you don't mind, I'd like you to tell me why you started following the blog, and for you to tell me your favourite section. The sections, which I'll list at the end, have two different names: the full name that I call "key words" and an abbreviated version that I put at the beginning of the title. The key words are at the bottom of every post that are in that category, and a list of them are on the right panel of the blog. The bigger the phrase, the more posts under that category. And if you click on the phrase, it'll bring up all of the posts that are under that category.

They are as follows:
Entertaining my muses (Muses)
My inner vision (Visions) [this is the picture section]
Prayers (Prayer[s])
Questions: ANSWERED
Tidbits
Sermon (Sermon #)

Please tell me the one you'd like to see again or more often. This will help me prioritize. Thank you!

~Godspede

Visions: Music

Okay, so I'm a musician. I play piano, flute, sing, and I dabble in guitar. So one day, I decided that I wanted to have a Christian display picture on my instant messaging account and took this picture. (Bonus points if you can figure out the song).
The only problem with this picture is that every time I look at it, the song gets stuck in my head... and mostly just that particular section of it. At first it doesn't bother me, but when I see the picture often... I get slightly tired of the song. Then I change my display picture.

~Godspede

Sermon 11

Sayeth David:

Passage: Psalm 23 NKJV
  The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
  He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
  He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness
         For His name’s sake.
  
  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
  
  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil;
         My cup runs over.
  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life;
         And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
         Forever.
shep·herd (ʃɛpərd): 1. A person who herds, tends, and guards sheep. 2. A person who protects, guides, or watches over a person or group of people.

I'm pretty sure that this Bible passage is the most famous passage. I mean, I have the whole thing memorized... and I was surprised when I went to look it up that I had memorized the New King James version of the passage. I don't think I even own a copy of that particular translation, and I do have several different Bibles.

Part of this Psalm is my second favourite Bible passage, right after Luke 23:39-43 ---the one with the two other criminals hanging on the crosses at the same time as Jesus, and where one is told He'll be in Paradise after standing up for Jesus and asking for redemption. Anyway, the part that's my favourite is the "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...", 'cause that really is what faith is to me: fearing nothing, not even death, because you know that God's going to be there right there beside you. I do take comfort in His rod and staff. I'm overfilled with His blessings.
Basically, what I'm saying is that I love Psalm 23 because it rings so, so true. That's probably why so many people know it, too. Psalm 23, one of many psalms of David, is a summary of our relationship with our Father, and a reminder that we can, as I read somewhere, let go and let God.

~Godspede

Visions: Load'o'fur

Did you know that if you take a picture of a mostly white cat a little bit too close or with the sun shining just so, they'll glow?

"Bean shines like the sun"

Yup. That is indeed my cat, and I take a lot of pictures of her... and when I upload them to the computer, I save the files under ... interesting names. Then promptly forget I've done so. Also, her name is Princess (I named her when I was little), but I call her my Bean or just 'Bean'

"Bean is very, very close"

I like macro shots. I find that they put things in this light that you rarely get to see, if because you don't look at it at that particular angle/proximity or if, like myself, you can't see things when they're that close (my eyes simply won't focus). It just manages to make ordinary things look extraordinarily different and, occasionally, amazing.

"Bean is tucked in"

My cat likes to snuggle under covers and get into those squeekably cute positions. Which is why I tend to take so many pictures of her. I have a folder on my computer for pictures of her. Just her.

"Bean gives the look"

She starts to not like being photographed so much, though. One thing I love about my precious Bean is that her reactions seem very human-like --- she gives The Look better than some people that I know. And also, she photographs really well. ...sometimes.

"Bean is a space kitteh"

---that word is pronounced with a loud last syllable, by the way. "Kitt-EH!" with the "EH!" pronounced like the classic Canadian interjection. We do say eh, by the way. All the time.
My cat puts up with so much. This was last Easter, and she was an astronaut because I wanted to see if she'd put up with me long enough for me to take a picture. As well, that's my hand in the background. I'd lost my balance and was trying to regain it without frightening her.

~Godspede

PS: I apologize for the time-stamps. I've grown to hate them (*looks at picture* *twitches*) so I've disabled them, but the older picture still have them. Sadly.

Visions: Pink Gorillas

It's funny how a life-sized, giant, pink gorilla can bring so much joy into children's hearts. This one happened to be named Galileo and was sort of the mascot of our Vacation Bible School program at my church. Well, a miniature, green, puppet version of him was the mascot, and for our evening program my friend got to dress up as a pink version of him and give the kids hugs. The costume was extremely hot, apparently, so it's a good thing she didn't have to do much dancing.

Watching her dance made me laugh... I just couldn't help it. It looked so weird for some reason. I guess I'm just not used to seeing giant pink animals boogie down. How odd.

~Godspede

Muses: VBS

Helping out at my church's Vacation Bible School this last week reminded me of a few things, like how me plus dancing will inevitably result in mistakes and some sort of clumsy disaster. But it also managed to remind me of something else.

Each day at VBS we focused on a different Bible story. They were neat this year: whereas they usually focus on Jesus and his ministry, this year they focused on stories like Elijah listening for "the still, small voice of God" to quote part of the gorilla's dialogue... things that we don't usually touch on, but that still carry a good strong message. And one of the days it focused on how God is always near us even when we can't feel his presence, just like the stars are always in the sky even when they aren't visible (the theme was outer space).
That one was unexpected, because usually things that reach out to children don't touch on the darker feelings of being alone; they stick with the love and peace and happiness... much more accessible to the younger audience. But the opening lyrics to one of the songs was "Like a star who's lost it's light/I was fading in the night/Wondering if someone even cared/". It continued on to say, though, "Then I heard a good friend say/'Let Jesus change your life today./He's waiting; come to him in prayer...'"  Unexpected, but touching and well-handled.
After an opening session of singing and a skit, the kids would go off and rotate through three stations that all followed the particular theme of the day: crafts, games, and Bible storytime. The storytime station was cool, 'cause they would act out parts of the bible stories. But on Friday, a couple of their key "actors" weren't able to make it. So my friends and I had to fill in for them. They were minor parts, and I actually had the fewest lines---I would say the minor part, but the character I was playing was Jesus so I can't call him minor with a clear conscience. The other two parts were Cleopas and the "other disciple". And the story was Jesus' resurrection, when he walks with the disciples and asks them about what's been happening, then leaves them... and after he leaves, the disciples realize who, exactly, they'd just been hanging out with. Their Lord and Saviour, risen from the dead! The women had been right! He was back!

Hearing this story being told through the ecstatic styles of my friends who nailed the exhilaration of those disciples, I got goosebumplies. I love being reminded time and time again of that wonderful news, that he came back to life. It's so uplifting, so cheering, that it makes my heart soar to the heavens. And I commented to one of the other leaders afterwards: I can never hear that story too many times. It never grows old, and every time it seems to make me grin like a fool.

~Godspede

Visions: Heaven

  Once again at camp, I was lying in my bedroom talking to my best friend. She gets distracted by all things doing with the sky, since it turns into these pretty shades of orange, pink then purple as the sun sets. Coupled with the reflecting power of the lake, it paints quite a beautiful picture.
One evening she forced me to look out with her (as someone who practically lives out there during the summer and who has trouble feeling happy 24/7, sunsets have mostly lost their magic with me). I sighed and obliged, sitting up and looking out... then I blinked and practically did a double-take.
What I saw out the window was, as I could best describe it, Heaven shining down on us. I was thrilled and took a picture, and for once my camera co-operated and didn't pull anything funny on me, as it's so apt to do.


~Godspede

Visions: Q-tips

At my camp, we have two docks: one is on the left of our property, and one is on the right. These two docks provided a secure swimming space for my siblings and I when we were younger and now for my parent's grandkids. They also trap in the beach sand my dad has had brought in, keeping it from being pushed away by the ebbing waves. The left one, pictured above, prevents the ice in winter and spring from damaging our much nicer main dock. This dock, as a result, gets heavily damaged when the ice starts to shift. It was so badly damaged that my dad had to repair it.
My dad works with fiberglass often, so he used fiberglass rings to add structure to our docks. The fiberglass ring at the very tip of the left dock actually was pushed far to the right by the ice, so rather than push it back my dad added one to the other side and built around it. He spent several days nailing the wood around the rings, making it look rather lovely, then placed some boards at the end to get the look of the dock and sat down for a break.

DAD: *Stares at dock* *looks at it in disbelief* "...my dock... it looks like a Q-tip. I've built a giant Q-tip."

ME: "...well, look at it as a... a huge.... *Slowly* thermometer?"

DAD: *Raises an eyebrow* *looks back at dock* ".... a giant Q-tip...."


~Godspede

New Section

So... drumroll please...

DUN DADA DAAAAH!!

I'm going to start a new catagory!!

This may be quite ambitious of me, but what I'm aiming to do is update this thing weekly. The post will be a picture that I've taken along with my reason for taking them. I love photography, and I find that more often then not what adds the beauty to the picture are those reasons behind it. You know, exactly why the picture was taken. So this is what I'll aim to do... and it will be the post after this one, ergo the one above this one.

~Godspede

Muses: Summer...

...summer, summer. Oh, how you make us lose all responsibility. I know I have no urge to look at a textbook for the summer months, and the thought that I have to read four books for school next September is kind of a icky feeling right now, 'cause I just want to do nothing.

Apparently, this feeling has played a part in my church attendance. Today I lead worship at my church, playing piano for the liturgy and all the hymns. When I walked into the church, I realized it had been quite a while since I had last gone. You see, I usually go to church because I'm in a couple of the choirs, but around exam/culminatings time I couldn't spare the hours of practise, so I therefore couldn't sing in the choirs. This also meant that I wouldn't be able to attend the services, because I get guilt-tripped by the choir members when I skip practises, even for perfectly legitimate reasons.
Then after exams were over... I basically lost all initiative. Including the initiative to wake up early enough to go to church. ...basically I'm saying that I got lazy and sleepy.
SO today once I walked into the church, I felt an odd sensation of... guiltiness. I missed church, I realized, and I felt bad that I let sleep take priority over God. I mean, really; where is the sense in that?

This summer, don't let that happen to you. Keep going to church, keep praying, and keep staying in touch with God. With no school, you'll have more than enough time to spare some for Him, and it'll probably keep you from getting too out of hand. I mean, whenever I get the urge to do something teenager-y and stupid, if God is close in my mind I feel kind of guilty for even thinking about the stupid urge, like a parent were leering over my shoulder reading my mind. And I guess that is what it is: my Father is giving me the look, reminding me that indulgence can be a very bad thing, and to keep my act together.

Have a good summer :)

~Godspede

Muses: Luck

Luck.

What is luck?
Luck is subject to my typos. It first appeared as kuck, then as cluck. Neither of which it is. You might call this... rather unlucky?
(tee-hee)

But that's besides the point. What is luck, really?
Luck is when fate happens to throw two things together in time, and they happen to work out PERFECTLY together. Luck is like... the "big bang". Meeting your one-and-only. Luck is pretty special.

D'you wanna know something, though?
*leans closer*
*whispers:* I don't believe in luck.
I think that the concept of luck is full of it... and I don't mean full of luck, because that would be, well, rather circular. And ergo nonsensical. Psshaw, I'm never nonsensical. I always make perfect sense.

Anyway, what the heck do I mean by "I don't believe in luck"?
It does sound rather... odd.
Well, here's a hint. I usually say this, then put a vocal semicolon after it and say, "I kinda think..." then look upwards.
Lost? Okay. Let's put this on its own little line.

I don't believe in luck; I kinda think... *looks up at heavens* ...yeah. Luck is full of it.

Get it now?
I think that the concept of "luck" and "coincidence" and "lucky coincidences" and "coincidental luck" are pretty stupid, usually. ...and are those words making anyone else's brain hurt, by now?

What I'm getting at in a very, very round-about way, is that I don't think that things happen without a purpose, which is what luck is: purposeless. It's handy, but it just sort of happened.
You see, I believe that there's somebody out there---up there---watching out for me and everyone else (whether or not they want it), and sometimes He sticks His Finger in the pot and stirs around a bit to make the mixture a leeeeetle bit sweeter to taste.

He's awesome. He makes my world a better place.

*coughs* I suppose you might say that we're pretty lucky to have him around?
But I wouldn't. I say that it's not luck at all.
More of a ... heavenly gift?

~Godspede

Milestones!

.... :D

silly me.
of course now that i have began this conquest i can't possibly stay away.
and so i return.
*Sola Fide returns*
i hear it's much better than Batman Returns...

Kaff! Yes! that was besides the point entirely.
The point? you wonder. There was a point?
Why yes. of course! thank you for asking.

I would like to wish us here at "I sought the Lord" a very very HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!

Yes my dear friends.
If you would shift your nifty eyes swiftily over to the right hand side of your page, you might notice an archive in which the first one is dated June 2/2009.

And So we see a year behind us.
Thank you friends. It's been sweet - although i haven't been writing much, certainly i have done my fair share of reading and commenting to the mastermind behind this whole beautiful enterprise ... Pax Domini!! ( formerly known as Just Ask.)

Beautiful person, beautiful bloggage.

Happy Birthday :)

Joy Unspeakable... a prayer

I'm Back!

and yet so soon so soon i know. In a matter of minutes really, but i could not walk away without a Prayer and a wish. A tugging from my heart that i simply must share with you beautiful people.

this is what i wish. this is what i Pray for us all.
that we would be blessed with the gift of a Joy unspeakable. One may only consider this kind of joy, with Jesus as their King. Apart from that there is no hope. And so i remind us all of the hope we have, the hope you dear reader, could have should you give your life to the one who made it.

I also pray for my dear friend and fellow blogger.
If this gift has not yet been made known then in the name of Jesus i bless this over her, and ask for new life.

In Jesus' name i pray
Amen

Muses: Squirrel! ... and other things.

I must make myself a mark here yet again. I seem to have been operating in a state of few and far between. few and far between indeed.

My humble and sincere apologies for my actions.
HOWEVER! with the beautiful onslaught of summertime upon us and God's gloriousness just prevailing and unraveling in front of our eyes ( well of course that happens all the time if you choose to look for Him :), but however, the glories of summer :D)

ahem... yes. Summer :).

Hmm... in the meantime friends, let me entertain you with a bit of a revelation that occured to me the other day.

Well, perhaps i should show you this clip at the start non?...:)

*update* due to potential browser malfunctions with the postage of the actual youtube clip here, i took the liberty to link it for you ... like so

Righto.
The movie UP is quite frankly one of the best Pixar - well one of the best period - movies that i've ever watched.
This of course, is one of my favourite scenes. I could thus now go on and go forth and extrapolate - but i wont. the clip speaks for its beautiful self :)

I will however, take the liberty and extrapolate on my notions.

So it was friday i believe. Just about a week ago today and i was coming home from youth group. I had to take the bus however, as i did not feel it in me to ask for a ride as most of my chums live around 15 to 25 minutes away from me or so.
In any case, the bus had dropped me off by now and i was making the remainder of my journey on foot. It was at that time in the midst of night and day during which twilight was but a half hour gone, and yet it was not yet fully night.

Almost an indigo colour which bathed the world.

It was here that i converesed with God.
Most oft God and I have conversations every day more than once just random puctuations of thankfullness and praise and need and help. And so it was on this day that i regretted not having spent quality time with him in the week prior.

As i reflected and repented of my actions, i marvelled at God's ability to always take us back and draw us in, no matter how far we go. However, our ability to always get distracted from our first love led me to think of Dog.

dear darling Dog :)

You see, just like Dog, we as human beings ( as humanity) tend to get distracted , at least i must attest that i do. I have my sights set on God. i focus on him and talk to him and spend time with him and love him... sooner or later of course, something waltzes up in my peripherals.
Be it a dashing fellow, or perhaps
a new endeavor which brings about
loss of time and takes up all my energy.
It is this, all this and more that cause me to cry "squirrel!" from the very depths of my being and i am distracted yet again from the love of my life.

The one who will always love and never judge
Me.

My Abba father and precious Jesus.
and of course, the Holy Spirit who guides me.

.... and yet, it never ceases to amaze how, i am always accepted. No matter how often it is that i cry squirrel, God is always there, beside me just waiting and nudging. Perhaps chasing the squirrel away because it is not good for me at that time, or perhaps using the squirel to remind me of him.

My God is bigger than squirels any day!

and it is to that, that i raise my toast and bid thee
Farewell dear Loves.

Muses: Newness, and comfort

Whoa! New layout!
But you know me: I see a new feature and I HAVE to try it. So what do you think? Like? No? Back to how it used to be??
I chose the grapes because I thought of how Jesus said "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

And Whoa! New name! Yes, don't think you're mad. This is still "Ask, and ye shall receive...". The name is just a little more fitting now. And trust me, I spent ages finding the perfect passage as a title. And yes, this is still "Just ask". But my name's different, too. Didja notice that?

Anyway, there is a different purpose for this post than just to announce these. And it's on a bit more of a serious, albeit comforting note.


I had a minor recurrence of my old emotions. I think it's stemming from end of major culminatings + exams + the "time of month". But last night, after getting annoyed in a disagreement with my mom, I went into my room and, as I so often do when I argue with my mom, I broke down and started to cry. But this wasn't my normal type of cry, the kind that lasts about five to ten minutes. This cry lasted a full half-hour.
I was curled up on my bed, feeling as worthless as dirt, feeling as stupid as a shrew, and completely at odds with myself. My mind wandered to its old solution---the most terrifying thing one could think---and that made me cry even harder.
I wanted to go crawl into my mom's bed and snuggle into her arms, because no matter how old one gets that is still the most comforting thing you can have: someone hugging you. But I had just argued with her, so pride reared its head and kept me tethered to my bed. I wished that she could wake up or something, just hear me crying and come running to my room, and at the same time I was hoping that she didn't because I didn't want to have to give into pride in any way.
So sometimes I'd stop crying, but I'd feel the tears pressing at the back of my throat tearing to get out, and then it'd happen, and I'd be sobbing all over again. They refused to stop, no matter how hard I tried. I was no longer in control of my emotions and that terrified me even more. I have to be in control of my emotions, or I don't know what will happen.
All of a sudden, I was startled by something I heard at my window. It sounded like an animal, or an animalistic human clawing at the window, trying to get in. I lay there, heart pounding, trying to figure out what the noise was. The day had started out beautiful, but as if to mimic my mood it had steadily gotten more and more miserable as the day progressed. The sky had clouded over, and it was darker than night ever naturally was. Thinking about that and the perfect pathetic fallacy that was happening, I realized what that noise was.  
Rain.
It had started to rain, gradually at first then hitting the pane harder and harder as the speed of the water became quicker and quicker. I lay there entranced for a bit by the noise, then thought about the rain for a bit.
I like the rain. I said to my dad one time that standing out in the rain feels like God is hugging me, like it's just Him and me, One-on-one, Father to daughter. It makes me feel so loved, even to hear it. And it always, always has that effect.
Slowly I realized that I had stopped crying the instant I had heard the rain. First, in fear, then next in awe. And even more slowly I realized that I no longer felt like crying, even at all. Just like always, God had reached out. I had been longing for a hug from a parent and I got one, without even thinking to ask. The rain stopped soon after and didn't pick up until well after I had fallen asleep. All in all, it had only lasted a few minutes. A bit of a random rainfall, perhaps, but I know what happened. And now you do, too.

~Godspede

A Comic for today.

So, I have a comic I want to post. It's religious, and it's funny, but it also has a swear---the b**** word. So I'm giving the warning, which feels ridiculous in this day and age. It's from the website Least I Could Do, which is a webcomic, but DO NOT READ IT unless you are comfortable with dirty (sexual) humour. This is what the comic is largely based around. It is very funny and I love it, but be warned.

The actual URL of the homepage: http://leasticoulddo.com/

Unfortunately, I don't have the actual link to the comic... sorry. I saved it on my computer a while ago, and whereas I usually save the file as the date of the comic, I saved this one as ROCK ON!
So... yeah. I don't have it.


*ahem* yeah, so I lied. I just found the link... the comic has the date at the bottom. Here it is:
http://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20080830



And here is the strip. Yes, I was stalling and filling space so your eye wasn't drawn to it without reading my warning first. Very good. *applauds* By the way, I had to cut in half so you could read the whole thing. it's usually one straight line.

Rock on.
~Godspede

Requiescat in pace

How are we to handle grief?

When someone dies, how do we stop ourselves from spiralling out of control? It's so difficult... at that point, all we feel is pain, and pain is so hard to handle. Grief is so hard to handle.
Death is so hard to handle.

My french teacher passed away this week. She was an amazing teacher, always supporting her students, offering re-writes so you got the mark you needed to get. But she was sick, and she was suffering. So, ultimately, I am happy that she is with her Father.
But the earthly grieving.... it's so, so hard to handle. We can't properly comprehend the fact that this person is never, ever going to be coming back. So even though I say I'm happy for her, it's seldom that I actually remember to feel happy.

Death is a fact of life, as oxymoronic as that may sound. We must learn to accept it, and to trust that Father knows what He's doing.

He does.

And that's a reminder to myself as much as to anyone else.

Madame, vous nous manquez. Repose en paix... nous vous n'oublierons jamais. Vous étiez une source d'inspiration; je n'avais jamais une enseignante qui m'avait appelée  «ma fille» avant toi. Tu étais toujours plein d'entrain, et tu faisais un effort incroyable pour tes étudiants... nous vous vraiment n'oublierons jamais. 

Avec l'amour et des larmes~
Godspede

My mom... a prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my mom. She's amazing, such a powerhouse, and I've put her through so much recently. She hid all of her frustration, paranoia... fear... she kept it away from me so that I wouldn't feel guilty. She just grabbed me by the shoulder and helped me along the way.
I really needed that, God, in this time when I cast You aside . I insisted on believing that You had abandoned me, and that You hated me and didn't want to help me anymore. That must have hurt mom so badly, but she kept on going, listened dutifully to my dark talks. She must have been so worried... but when I begged her to not interfere, she didn't.

Lord, bless my mom. You've blessed me so much by giving me her. She deserves a fabulous life from here on in. Bless her with laughter. Happiness. And make me less of a pain... because I know I am one. But she rarely makes a big deal out of it... and when she does, I do the typical eye roll, scoff, "Whatever, mom!".... she deserves so much better than that. And You make me feel guilty about doing that.
But that's after the deed, Lord... perhaps it would work better if You made me feel guilty before hand? But, of course, that wouldn't be human, I can't have that foresight... But teach me patience, Lord, and remind me of all she does for me. She's a super human, and so are all mothers of the world.

Happy Mother's day, to You who made them all, and to all Mothers who make the world a better place simply by living in it.

Amen.

~Godspede

Short story

I wrote a short story.
Well, I've written tens of dozens of short stories, but this one I felt was good enough to tell people about. The link is: http://oohramsamsam.deviantart.com/art/In-Peace-151366790
OohRamSamSam is me. *grins* I had that song stuck in my head.
The story isn't religious, but it's something I'm particularly proud of. Please comment on it if you have something to say *smiles* I like to get as much criticism on my work as is possible. And if you don't have a devi account, just post the comment on this blog. Thanks!

~Godspede

Tidbit: An update of sorts.

Easter this year felt different than it has in the past. Because, you see, a year and thirteen days ago, I died.
Not physically. I had no out-of-world experience. But I died inside. And I thought for the longest time I was never going to get back life. But, in the true manner of anyone who has dealt with depression, which I am now being told I went through, I pulled myself out of my rut and forced myself to pretend to live. I went through the motions, feeling nothing, and slowly I began to actually feel something. Apparently, pretending for long enough makes things real.
A week before Easter this year, I woke up for the first time in a long time wanting to die. I curled up in a ball on my bed and choked back my tears, then got ready for school. As my mom drove my brother and I to school, I felt a panic attack rising in the back of my throat, that if I went to school something bad was going to happen. Also, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Mom took me home, and I spent the day distracting myself with piano, reading, and homework. But the next day I went to school, and I survived.
I went to the Easter service, and I was surprisingly chipper. A lot of the sources of my bad spells were there, in fact most of them were, but they barely brought me down. I think that Easter was the happiest I've felt since, well, before I came down. This surprised me greatly; I thought for certain that it would be one of the roughest. And I've been in super high spirits since then.
I don't know what happened in my brain. I thought that it was going to be another uphill battle, but it's more or less coasting easily. Sure, I'm a little rough right now but I'm overstressing from schoolwork and operating on very little sleep, so that's allowed. But overall, I'm much better.

Thanks, God, is what I'm trying to say. You really do work your magic every day.


A song that adds to my thanks: Sarah McLachlan's Ordinary Miracle

~Godspede

Tidbits: Scared into Love??

I was searching for a nice Christian desktop, and I came across something that completely terrified me:

I am a devout follower. I adore God. I am doing everything I have been taught to praise Him. And that picture, well let's just say it made my heart pound rather hard. Why do some people insist on using the scare tactic? Who, exactly, are they expecting this to work on?
I personally like more comforting, warming tactics. Behold:

~Godspede

Edit: I notice, actually, that I've done a sermon on the Bible passage the first one quotes. Link: Sermon 9
The image quotes the second half of it. It quotes the doomsday without any salvation. So, yeah. Check out my interpretation of it, if the feeling spurs you.

Jabberwocky

Pardon me for a moment of giddy tangent.
I just saw the new Alice in Wonderland movie. It was amazing... I adored it and am so buzzed on it and the pop I drank... Yeah, I'm keeping my talking to a minimum.
Anyway, the Mad Hatter quoted a passage from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There which I thought I'd share. Enjoy. And try to make some sense of it.
Because there is no more sense to it than what a raven and a writing desk have in common.

Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
  And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
  Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
  And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
  The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
  And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
  The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
  He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
  Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
  He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
  And the mome raths outgrabe.

;)

~Godspede

Lovely loving... a prayer

Dear God,

I love you.
Thanks. For everything.
That's all I really wanted to say. You're awesome, I love You, and thanks for absolutely everything in my life. Even the really "bad" stuff, 'cause I know You're looking out for me all the time.

Amen.

~Godspede

Muses: An Anecdote

When I was five, I thought atheism was a disease, something people contract and have to get antibiotics to chase away. This was because it was something we didn't talk about at home, and I knew that my mom felt bad for them. So therefore, it was a disease.
When I was ten, I thought that atheism made no sense. Some fool described it to me as "the belief that there are no beliefs" and that it was "the faith in no faith". So, atheism in itself was an oxymoron.
When I was fourteen, I encountered an atheist. This person challenged my faith, God Himself, and everything I believed in. This person got angry at the fact I wear a cross around my neck everyday. They yelled once I touched it, which I do when I'm trying to focus. They swore that they would convert me to the truth. Atheism became a herd of angry, squabbling fools who wanted to make me cry.
When I was fifteen, I punched an atheist. It felt good.... for a while. Now I feel bad. Coincidentally, that atheist later asked me out. Boys make no sense to me.

I used to have the worst kind of temper. I would rant and rage as bad as the rest of those crazed angry people. When I was confronted I would rise up in arms. Also, I spread my faith. I told everyone, talked about it, shared with them, taught them the stories.
Then one day, I encountered an atheist. He first tried to convert me, thinking that I would see how twisted my faith was and go over to their mindset. When he realized that this wasn't going to happen, he began to get angry. He argued and roared and yelled at how ridiculous what I believed was. I went home red-faced and furious. I steamed in my room. Then I realized something: I was no better than this atheist.
There is no way that I would be able to convince a firm believer in atheism that there was a God, that this God created the earth, and that it was good. He was standing firm in his belief, the same as me. That's rather honourable. So why was I being such a jerk?
Recently I was having an argument with an atheist. No, actually; let me rephrase that. I was having a discussion. He was getting worked up, angry, furious, but I felt strangely calm. My heart was beating a little faster, but I wasn't steamed.
This particular fellow was a believer in the Big Bang and evolution. Okay, I understand the merits of that. Yes, there is lots of science for it. And I told him as such. He grinned triumphantly and demanded to know how I could believe in God with such outstanding evidence for the Big Bang. So I asked to see the evidence. Not challengingly, but curiously. He looked like he thought he had won some sort of war.
He explained it to me in surprising detail---most people don't really know much about the Big Bang. I was impressed, but at a certain point he didn't go back in time any further. I asked him to and he did, and we carried on in that pattern for a bit until he got to the explanation that the whole world was first existent as this tiny amount of space and matter, small enough to fit on the tip of a pencil. It was the Big Bang that it out into the universe. I asked what caused that big bang, and he hesitated, then said he didn't know. Scientists are still debating that. I smiled, softly, then asked if I could offer my opinion. He let me.

You see, that is why I believe. As long as there is the answer "I don't know", I will believe that there is a God, because He is my "I know". He is the answer, for me. And, I told the atheist, as long as you yourself can't answer that question, isn't it fair to let other people supply their own hypothesis? For as long as religion has existed, it has sought to answer questions that mankind cannot. It is the solution to all of life's mysteries, and even though God is a mystery in Himself, He at least provides some sort of fall back.
I do not profess to know all the answers. On the contrary, I know that I am a simpleton in the eyes of all of humanity. We have had such collective genius walk the earth that there is no way I could possibly consider myself above and beyond their comprehension. What I do profess, though, is that God does. God has all the answers--omniscient, after all--and so to Him I cling.
What I concluded with was that I wasn't seeking to convert this atheist. I knew that he was firmly planted in his understanding of the world. I didn't find him and attack him with religion, I reminded, I was approached by someone else. I've become a low-key evangelist: I'll share my religion happily if asked to. Yes, I love God. Yes, I believe He is real. Yes, I think it would be wonderful if the atheist could be religious as well. But no, no I didn't think our quick conversation would make him become a Christian. I just hoped that maybe he would stop attacking my faith, because I never wanted to attack his.

~Godspede

Muses: Memory... and a prayer

You know, memories are funny things.

Everybody remembers stuff in odd ways. ... I can't really tell you what these ways are, because memory is something inside peoples' heads, and I am only inside of my own head---sorry. So, try to look into your own little squishy brain and see, perhaps?
Mine's an odd memory-keeper. I don't know how many other people remember in this way: it stores in emotions, colours, and sounds. I remember a blur of something, having fun, lots of voices... that'd be a dance or party, and it would be associated with my heart doing a ka-THUMP because I don't like the crowded scene. Claustrophobia and all.
It also stores repetitive memories (to Random: the imparfait ones ;) ) with a key image or little 'clip'. I'll share some of them, and maybe you can try to compare it to how your brain would store that sort of memory. I find mental processes fascinating, by the way. I'm going into psychology...

Memory one:
Camp. Summer-- cannonballing off of a tube into the water, the splash of the water, the sound of my dad's laughter... yes, his in particular. Don't ask me why.

Memory two:
Camp. Winter-- snowmobiling, the smell of that exhaust, cold toesies. Then curled up in front of a fire with a good book and hot chocolate. The rough texture of the blankets. Flushed cheeks. Snuggling with my best friend.

Memory three:
Birthday parties-- Laughter. Lots of laughter and lots of hugs. Flashes of seven year-old and thirteen year-old me... those two years in particular come to me.

Now that I've shown how my mind works,  I can finally explain the reason why I so seldom go into detail of the four months I went through. They were painful, and my mental timeline has been completely befuddled with. I can't say when something happened or even what it was, only that I think it happened, though I may very well have imagined or dreamt it.

Memory four:
Four months of severe depression--
Me, sitting on the floor. I'm kneeling, sitting on my feet. My sweater is loose, grey, one I've never seen before, never even owned. My guess is that it is simply a neutral colour and a neutral article of clothing. Everything around me is black; I can't see anything besides me. I can see me from above, this is like a bird's eye view except a lot closer. My head is tilted up, towards the heavens, looking past anything I can see.
My mouth is open
And I'm screaming.
Screaming like I am going through the most excruciating pain of my life, my eyes eventually closing, my hands balled in fists at my sides. Eventually the image fades off but I can still hear the scream as it dissolves into sobbing.

This is why I refer to them as the four months of living hell. Why I wince when I have to talk about it. Why I cried and sobbed and begged my mom not to make me go talk to counsellors and therapists.
I've gone to five separate people, by the way. That's how the system failed me. I was referred four times, and by the time I found the last person who actually seemed helpful, I had learnt to deal. Learnt to keep the screaming in my head and to not completely lose it where anyone could see me.


Dear God,
Please make me value life again, and make me stop falling into these periods. I don't even know what triggers them anymore. I was laughing my head off earlier. It all makes no sense to me.
I frighten myself with the way I'm thinking. It's far too desperate. I'm supposed to be getting better, but instead I feel like I'm getting worse. I think it's because I'm letting go of everything: letting go of my initiative, of my will to live... letting go of You. I know I need to hold on tighter. Just... don't let me drift off. Because then I'll drift completely away. I should know better. But I don't.
Amen.

~Godspede

Tidbit: Sacred wallets

I'm researching Ancient Egypt for my history class right now, attempting to write those eight essays I mentioned earlier. As I researched, something occurred to me.

Most everything we know about the Egyptians, their lifestyle, and their faith system is from what we read on their papyrus, jars and walls. We base all our knowledge off of this. I'm not saying that's wrong, in fact it's rather clever. However, I can't help but wonder what future civilizations will think about this strange tribe known as 'North America'.

Will they think that we worship merchandise? That we bow at the alter of the holy cash register? Will they find our comic books and see that as our regular educational material?

We're far to materialistic. It's distracting, how attached we get to our things. And I'm not exempt to that! I love shopping... not for clothes, as is 'typical' for a girl, but for books. I opt out of the library, because I like to be able to call these books mine. Mine to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.... er, wait a second, that's foolish. Books don't die. 'Till death do ME part.

~Godspede

Focusing, teamwork and kiwis... a prayer

Dear Lord,

Yet again, I find my mind wandering. It jumps from thought to thought, just like a child jumping on those rocks by the river.
Ahem.
I rest my case.
My mind is too free-spirited. I have so much schoolwork piling up because I seem to refuse to do it. What is with this aversion to work, suddenly? That's not how I used to be. I'm the honour student, that girl people go to when they have questions in math... but not anymore. Because more often than not, I've not done the homework.
I feel like I'm giving up, which would be a whole lot more enjoyable if You didn't keep making me feel guilty. *gives dirty look*
You're way too good at that, Lord. Making me feel all guilty when I don't want to be.
....geez. Fine, fine, the guilty feeling is good, I get it.
I guess I need to redirect this prayer, then.

Lord, make me focused. Make me get back my will to do well, to get straight 90s and above, make me focus on the task, even when it's a pile of eight essays to write with notes and research behind it, plus a daunting pile of math homework which refuses to finish itself... *grumbles, glowering*
Yeah, make me want to do that.
Somehow...

Wasn't there a time when I bounced out of bed every morning? *thinks* *nods* Yes, yes I believe there was. Well, I don't like mornings and have accepted that, but at least, maybe, make me start going to bed earlier so they are easier?
.... and okay, fine, I'll try getting my butt there earlier, too. This is going to be a group effort, isn't it?
Wait. Wait one second.

Group effort.

That's it, isn't it? Gosh, how could I have been so obtusely blind? You and I, we need to work together... if I'm struggling against You every step of the way of course I won't enjoy it *smacks forehead* Doi!

Okay, so let's try this again.
Lord, help me to stop struggling against you. Remind me that in this life, you can't completely control my every step. You created us with free will, and that means that we need to make that extra effort if we want good results. Yeah, it's not always smooth sailing, but c'est la vie. This is life, take it or leave it. And know what? You were right the whole time... I don't want to leave it. Not just yet.
So help me take it, to take each punch and wave and slippery oil slick that some gross tanker spilt as it drove by without too much damage. Oh, and the focusing thing. Help me with that, too. Help my mind stay on one task. I've got my music on, Vivaldi, The Four Seasons, Spring right now, and that's what you suggested to me way back. It helps, thanks *snuggles* You're the coolest, Lord.

I love You.

I love kiwis, too. Thanks for kiwis. The fruit, not the bird. Why do they have the same name? Such strange people we are, naming a weird animal after a gushy juicy fruit. Or was it the other way around? Anyway, I love kiwis, and You made them, so I guess I'm saying I love Your handiwork. Keep it up. And maybe, just maybe Lord, You can make me someone else's kiwi. That'd be cool.

Amen.

~Godspede

Hello People of the Blogging World! (a Tidbit)

Hello,

I am a close friend of Just Ask. who will now be posting stuff randomly. Just as a heads up...things may get a little weird as I myself am weird...and Random.

Here is a small preview of what is to come...

<-This is a funny picture. Laugh. Like HAHA or something. Just do it. LAUGH!

Please... a prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me strength, for I feel mine failing.
I thought I was strong, but You, You know better. I stopped leaning on You. I started trying to wiggle out of Your helping, guiding hand.
And I think I did.
I think for a while, I really did.... and that was the dumbest thing I could have done. My greatest failure. I think I'm better than You... I think I don't need Your help. But I do, Lord, I do so badly... and I don't realize until I fall.
And I fall often.
So help me, my loving, mighty Lord. Help me take Your hand again. Help me to stop throwing it aside in disdain.

I need You more than ever. I'm not better. I see that now. I still am suffering. I still run away at the slightest show of problems. I still shut down... I still start crying like my heart has been torn out. And it's not even for the same reason as before. It just... happens. But I love You... I feel that again. You love me!! That's the most important of all... I just started to cry again. You are so amazing.
Please help me remember that.
Give me strength. I need Your strength, oh my Lord, I need You to lift me high above my pain so I can see past it... see to the healing. Let me see this glass as half full... why have I never been able to? 

You are my hero. You are my role model, my night in shining armour. You are my one and only, my true love. Thank You. Thank You for letting me see that.

Guide me Lord. Pull me out of this question. I know You are there, I know You are real, and I know, I know that it's Satan who is pulling me to think You aren't. Why do I feel doubts? I never have, You have been that constant, steady and sure presense in my life. Even when I felt like You had abandoned me, I still knew You were there. I never doubted that. Until now.
What's happening?
Why?
Make it stop, Lord, for I feel I'm not strong enough to fight it off much longer. You know me. You know how I struggle for a while, then give up. You know that's my largest problem... I have that break point, midnight for homework, a week for trials, and sixteen and a half years for You. Please, Lord. Please make me believe. 'Cause I don't want to face a world without You.
I don't think I could handle that.
I don't want to handle that.
So why am I making myself? Why am I looking for a way out? Why do I feel cornered, frightened, like a small abused child being approached by a stranger?
I shouldn't be. You are my COMFORT, not my assailant. I know this!! Why don't I feel it?
Please starve my doubt.
Feed my trust.
And love me, Lord. Please never stop loving me.
I need Your love.
More than ever.

Amen.

~Godspede

Sermon 10

Be Mine, Valentine
--God

Passage: 1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
St. Valentine (vāl'ən-tīn'): Saint, died a.d. c270, Christian martyr at Rome.

Roses are simply, perfectly red



Violets are many shades of blue



Both He made in His loving way



And, just the same, He created you!

So, it's Valentine's day, but this time it's more special... it's on a Sunday!
It's like God's sending you a special Valentine, isn't it?
Well, He always loves you... no matter who comes and goes in your life. He is your perfect lover! You won't ever find someone better.
Give Him a hug today, and I'm sure you'll feel Him hug you back.

And if you don't understand why I used the last picture, you should go back and read this post.

Happy Valentine's day!

~Godspede

Muses: He Lives In You

He Lives In You ~The Lion King
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (X 4)
[Here is a lion and a tiger]

Night
And the spirit of life
Calling

Oh, oh, iyo
Mamela...
[Listen]
Oh, oh, iyo

And a voice
With the fear of a child
Answers:

Oh, oh, iyo
Oh, mamela...
[Listen]
Oh, oh, iyo

Ubukhosi bo khokho
[Throne of the ancestors]
We ndodana ye sizwe sonke
[Oh, son of the nation]

Wait!
There's no mountain too great
Hear the words and have faith (Oh, oh, iyo)
Oh...
Oh, oh, iyo
Have faith

Hela hey mamela
[Hey, listen] (X 4)

He lives in you
He lives in me
He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you


This is an excerpt of the lyrics for this song, seeing as how parts of it repeat.
This song is without a doubt about Mufasa, as is demonstrated in the Broadway of it: it is performed twice, once after little bitty Simba said to his dad, "Dad, we're pals, right? And we'll always be together!" (Mufasa's answer was this song), and the second time when Rafiki goes all mysterious and says "Look into the water... Look... closer......" (Mufasa lives on in all of us).

However, take a moment and really think about it. These words are so true for everyone we love and are seperated from. They live on in us as long as we never forget them. As Mufasa says in the movie, "You have forgotten me.... you have forgotten yourself, and in doing that, you have forgotten me." We need to keep in touch with all bases, I guess...

Also, there is an undeniable Christian tone in this song in particular. It just wound up sounding like that, I guess, but my best friend and I are going to perform it at my church for the talent show this year :)
He's always there, recall... And even though it feels like we are separated from him, He's right beside us. I draw comfort from that, and I hope you do, too.

~Godspede