Please... a prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me strength, for I feel mine failing.
I thought I was strong, but You, You know better. I stopped leaning on You. I started trying to wiggle out of Your helping, guiding hand.
And I think I did.
I think for a while, I really did.... and that was the dumbest thing I could have done. My greatest failure. I think I'm better than You... I think I don't need Your help. But I do, Lord, I do so badly... and I don't realize until I fall.
And I fall often.
So help me, my loving, mighty Lord. Help me take Your hand again. Help me to stop throwing it aside in disdain.

I need You more than ever. I'm not better. I see that now. I still am suffering. I still run away at the slightest show of problems. I still shut down... I still start crying like my heart has been torn out. And it's not even for the same reason as before. It just... happens. But I love You... I feel that again. You love me!! That's the most important of all... I just started to cry again. You are so amazing.
Please help me remember that.
Give me strength. I need Your strength, oh my Lord, I need You to lift me high above my pain so I can see past it... see to the healing. Let me see this glass as half full... why have I never been able to? 

You are my hero. You are my role model, my night in shining armour. You are my one and only, my true love. Thank You. Thank You for letting me see that.

Guide me Lord. Pull me out of this question. I know You are there, I know You are real, and I know, I know that it's Satan who is pulling me to think You aren't. Why do I feel doubts? I never have, You have been that constant, steady and sure presense in my life. Even when I felt like You had abandoned me, I still knew You were there. I never doubted that. Until now.
What's happening?
Why?
Make it stop, Lord, for I feel I'm not strong enough to fight it off much longer. You know me. You know how I struggle for a while, then give up. You know that's my largest problem... I have that break point, midnight for homework, a week for trials, and sixteen and a half years for You. Please, Lord. Please make me believe. 'Cause I don't want to face a world without You.
I don't think I could handle that.
I don't want to handle that.
So why am I making myself? Why am I looking for a way out? Why do I feel cornered, frightened, like a small abused child being approached by a stranger?
I shouldn't be. You are my COMFORT, not my assailant. I know this!! Why don't I feel it?
Please starve my doubt.
Feed my trust.
And love me, Lord. Please never stop loving me.
I need Your love.
More than ever.

Amen.

~Godspede