Muses: Good/Bad

When I was just coming out of my really low spell, my mom had this habit where every morning, sometime after I'd gotten downstairs (my bedroom is upstairs) and there wasn't too many people around me, she'd ask me "is this a good day or a bad day?" Good days, back then, just meant that I had the will to live. Gradually as I got better the meaning expanded, growing to include not feeling irritable, having a bit of a smile, laughing occasionally, and upward. Bad days used to mean that I was exploring the depths of despair again, toying with ideas that are not light enough to be toyed with. Though of course days where I feel like that always will be bad days, they also grew to include lighter definitions as my mood crept upwards on the depression scale: things like feeling listless, irritable, extremely distracted and, my old normal, numb.
My mom asked me that question again a few days ago. She's quite perceptive of when I've been creeping down the scale, so she notices the reasons behind my seemingly random mood swings. The huge benefit to this is about my irritability. See, I have a rather bad temper. So when I'm feeling down in the dumps, I'll often wake up with this ball of anger wenched in my stomach, just waiting to burst out and punch someone in the face. I do my best to control it, but I wind up being less than polite to everyone. My mom, such a kind person, puts up with it if she sees its reasonable cause. I love my mom. Have I mentioned that before?
My answer was it was a bad day, because I felt alone in the world... alone, with no one to love me because I was so worthless. I've discovered that I have self-worth and self-image issues, which results in me being very hard on myself. So my mom walked over and gave me a huge hug, kissed the side of my head, and told me that she loved me and that she'd never stop.
It felt good to be loved.

This event made me realize something. That question is so important to ask ourselves everyday.
Is this a good day or a bad day?
Knowing the answer will drastically change how we look at ourselves. For example, today was a good day for me, so I was able to practise for a couple of hours at the piano, drilling bits that were difficult and challenging myself around every corner. But yesterday was a bad day, and I couldn't even finish one song. I didn't push myself, either, because I knew I would get frustrated and end up feeling like I was just too stupid to ever learn a piece like that. I recognized the state of my emotions, and I was able to adjust accordingly.

Is this a good day or a bad day?
On a good day, I'll stay at home and I'll read. I'll finish that stuff I've been letting pile up. I'll clean my room; I'll do menial work that just has to be done, no matter how much I hate doing it.
On a bad day, I'll call up a friend and talk for an hour, then go to her house and hang. I'll play a video game, I'll watch a movie. I'll turn on a comedy rant that I love and laugh my butt off. Key thought, here: I'll distract myself. I know that my bad days will become worse if I try to subject myself to solitary activity. So I'll get happy stuff around me. I'll fake a good day. Something I learnt a while back is that if you fake a good day for long enough, it'll stop being fake.

~Godspede