When I was five, I thought atheism was a disease, something people contract and have to get antibiotics to chase away. This was because it was something we didn't talk about at home, and I knew that my mom felt bad for them. So therefore, it was a disease.
When I was ten, I thought that atheism made no sense. Some fool described it to me as "the belief that there are no beliefs" and that it was "the faith in no faith". So, atheism in itself was an oxymoron.
When I was fourteen, I encountered an atheist. This person challenged my faith, God Himself, and everything I believed in. This person got angry at the fact I wear a cross around my neck everyday. They yelled once I touched it, which I do when I'm trying to focus. They swore that they would convert me to the truth. Atheism became a herd of angry, squabbling fools who wanted to make me cry.
When I was fifteen, I punched an atheist. It felt good.... for a while. Now I feel bad. Coincidentally, that atheist later asked me out. Boys make no sense to me.
I used to have the worst kind of temper. I would rant and rage as bad as the rest of those crazed angry people. When I was confronted I would rise up in arms. Also, I spread my faith. I told everyone, talked about it, shared with them, taught them the stories.
Then one day, I encountered an atheist. He first tried to convert me, thinking that I would see how twisted my faith was and go over to their mindset. When he realized that this wasn't going to happen, he began to get angry. He argued and roared and yelled at how ridiculous what I believed was. I went home red-faced and furious. I steamed in my room. Then I realized something: I was no better than this atheist.
There is no way that I would be able to convince a firm believer in atheism that there was a God, that this God created the earth, and that it was good. He was standing firm in his belief, the same as me. That's rather honourable. So why was I being such a jerk?
Recently I was having an argument with an atheist. No, actually; let me rephrase that. I was having a discussion. He was getting worked up, angry, furious, but I felt strangely calm. My heart was beating a little faster, but I wasn't steamed.
This particular fellow was a believer in the Big Bang and evolution. Okay, I understand the merits of that. Yes, there is lots of science for it. And I told him as such. He grinned triumphantly and demanded to know how I could believe in God with such outstanding evidence for the Big Bang. So I asked to see the evidence. Not challengingly, but curiously. He looked like he thought he had won some sort of war.
He explained it to me in surprising detail---most people don't really know much about the Big Bang. I was impressed, but at a certain point he didn't go back in time any further. I asked him to and he did, and we carried on in that pattern for a bit until he got to the explanation that the whole world was first existent as this tiny amount of space and matter, small enough to fit on the tip of a pencil. It was the Big Bang that it out into the universe. I asked what caused that big bang, and he hesitated, then said he didn't know. Scientists are still debating that. I smiled, softly, then asked if I could offer my opinion. He let me.
You see, that is why I believe. As long as there is the answer "I don't know", I will believe that there is a God, because He is my "I know". He is the answer, for me. And, I told the atheist, as long as you yourself can't answer that question, isn't it fair to let other people supply their own hypothesis? For as long as religion has existed, it has sought to answer questions that mankind cannot. It is the solution to all of life's mysteries, and even though God is a mystery in Himself, He at least provides some sort of fall back.
I do not profess to know all the answers. On the contrary, I know that I am a simpleton in the eyes of all of humanity. We have had such collective genius walk the earth that there is no way I could possibly consider myself above and beyond their comprehension. What I do profess, though, is that God does. God has all the answers--omniscient, after all--and so to Him I cling.
What I concluded with was that I wasn't seeking to convert this atheist. I knew that he was firmly planted in his understanding of the world. I didn't find him and attack him with religion, I reminded, I was approached by someone else. I've become a low-key evangelist: I'll share my religion happily if asked to. Yes, I love God. Yes, I believe He is real. Yes, I think it would be wonderful if the atheist could be religious as well. But no, no I didn't think our quick conversation would make him become a Christian. I just hoped that maybe he would stop attacking my faith, because I never wanted to attack his.
~Godspede
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