Visions: Little dude

First off, yes. Yes, I do call my four-year old nephew little dude. He grins, does a little "how absurd!" laugh that he got from his daddio (my brother), then runs off to tackle his Uncle Great (Greg).

Now, to my pictures. When I go to bed at night, there's a wall that I wind up staring at until my eyes obey my command to stay closed. On this wall, I've hung things that make me smile: my certificates to prove I've passed certain levels in piano (first class honours with distinction, baby), art from when I was younger, heartfelt things people have bought me, and best of all -- art my nephew has made me.

Last Easter, he painted everyone watercolour pictures and gave them as gifts. He's so precious... my best friend (my brothers call her "pseudo-sis") was sitting next to me, over for Easter. My nephew hadn't anticipated this, so when he had given everyone their art and he didn't have one for her, he thought for a minute and told me that the painting he gave me could be for both of us (his words, I believe, were "umm... aunty, that's for you and her, K?")
I asked him what the painting was of, and he told me that it was "Princess turning into the Easter bunny" (Princess is my cat, remember).
So precious.

This was the top half of the birthday card he gave me this year. I love his drawings of people!! They have hair, arms, legs, and eyes with pupils! So awesome...
This is two people jumping rope. I asked him what it was about and who the people were, and he thought about it then said he couldn't remember. Heh.

These are some tulips that he made my mom and I. I can't remember how long ago they're from, I just know that I keep them in that porcelain watering can I won at a bridal shower. It seemed useless at the time, but now it has a purpose. And yes, it is posing on top of my laptop.

Art given from a 4-year old feels so special, doesn't it? There's just something particularly gratifying about knowing that a child loves you. It's like it gives you a place in the world. And this little child is full of lots and lots of love... he's a blessing in a little, rambunctious package.

~Godspede

Tidbit: Joy

It's amazing how ordinary things can be so inspirational and so uplifting.

This blog is aware that my French teacher died last year (see here). On the day that we found out, I happened to have choir practise that afternoon. I went with my best friend even though we were both pretty emotionally stripped. When we showed up, I told the choir leader what had happened---my friend burst into tears after hearing me just start the sentence.
That practise was very sombre. Whereas they are usually filled with laughing and teasing and the general weirdness that befits us, at this one we barely even smiled. We were distinctly just going through the emotions without feeling or meaning a single word that we sang.
The last song we did was called "Days of Elijah". I'm sure you can youtube it and find the melody, but our particular arrangement of it is very upbeat, with an infectious rhythm and a bouncy piano part. We debated whether or not we should actually sing it.
Eventually I sat at the keys and stared at the page for a few seconds then started to hit the notes, feeling mostly unemotional. But as I began to play through it and the singers joined in, my voice mingling with their's, I felt my fingers begin to become more lively.
About halfway through the song I looked up at my friend, who was looking back at me. I had a small smile from the pure enjoyment I was getting from playing that piano part, and she saw my smile and got a small one of her own. Her small smile made mine grow, which made hers grow, and so on until I chuckled and she got lost and we both started laughing as we entered into the chorus of the song. After the practise we still had those smiles on our faces and our spirits were considerably lifted. That one song, with its fun beats and inspiring lyrics, managed to make our whole day better.
I thought of this at my choir practise yesterday, a different one without that friend. We sang Days of Elijah, and as I sat down at the keys I got a small, sad smile thinking of that French teacher, then a warmer smile as I remembered what a wonderful effect that song has.
I just thought I should share.

~Godspede

Muses: Good/Bad

When I was just coming out of my really low spell, my mom had this habit where every morning, sometime after I'd gotten downstairs (my bedroom is upstairs) and there wasn't too many people around me, she'd ask me "is this a good day or a bad day?" Good days, back then, just meant that I had the will to live. Gradually as I got better the meaning expanded, growing to include not feeling irritable, having a bit of a smile, laughing occasionally, and upward. Bad days used to mean that I was exploring the depths of despair again, toying with ideas that are not light enough to be toyed with. Though of course days where I feel like that always will be bad days, they also grew to include lighter definitions as my mood crept upwards on the depression scale: things like feeling listless, irritable, extremely distracted and, my old normal, numb.
My mom asked me that question again a few days ago. She's quite perceptive of when I've been creeping down the scale, so she notices the reasons behind my seemingly random mood swings. The huge benefit to this is about my irritability. See, I have a rather bad temper. So when I'm feeling down in the dumps, I'll often wake up with this ball of anger wenched in my stomach, just waiting to burst out and punch someone in the face. I do my best to control it, but I wind up being less than polite to everyone. My mom, such a kind person, puts up with it if she sees its reasonable cause. I love my mom. Have I mentioned that before?
My answer was it was a bad day, because I felt alone in the world... alone, with no one to love me because I was so worthless. I've discovered that I have self-worth and self-image issues, which results in me being very hard on myself. So my mom walked over and gave me a huge hug, kissed the side of my head, and told me that she loved me and that she'd never stop.
It felt good to be loved.

This event made me realize something. That question is so important to ask ourselves everyday.
Is this a good day or a bad day?
Knowing the answer will drastically change how we look at ourselves. For example, today was a good day for me, so I was able to practise for a couple of hours at the piano, drilling bits that were difficult and challenging myself around every corner. But yesterday was a bad day, and I couldn't even finish one song. I didn't push myself, either, because I knew I would get frustrated and end up feeling like I was just too stupid to ever learn a piece like that. I recognized the state of my emotions, and I was able to adjust accordingly.

Is this a good day or a bad day?
On a good day, I'll stay at home and I'll read. I'll finish that stuff I've been letting pile up. I'll clean my room; I'll do menial work that just has to be done, no matter how much I hate doing it.
On a bad day, I'll call up a friend and talk for an hour, then go to her house and hang. I'll play a video game, I'll watch a movie. I'll turn on a comedy rant that I love and laugh my butt off. Key thought, here: I'll distract myself. I know that my bad days will become worse if I try to subject myself to solitary activity. So I'll get happy stuff around me. I'll fake a good day. Something I learnt a while back is that if you fake a good day for long enough, it'll stop being fake.

~Godspede

Now I'm asking you

So. I've noticed that I have more followers to this blog... people that I don't actually know. While this is cool, it also means that I don't know what you're looking for. So if you don't mind, I'd like you to tell me why you started following the blog, and for you to tell me your favourite section. The sections, which I'll list at the end, have two different names: the full name that I call "key words" and an abbreviated version that I put at the beginning of the title. The key words are at the bottom of every post that are in that category, and a list of them are on the right panel of the blog. The bigger the phrase, the more posts under that category. And if you click on the phrase, it'll bring up all of the posts that are under that category.

They are as follows:
Entertaining my muses (Muses)
My inner vision (Visions) [this is the picture section]
Prayers (Prayer[s])
Questions: ANSWERED
Tidbits
Sermon (Sermon #)

Please tell me the one you'd like to see again or more often. This will help me prioritize. Thank you!

~Godspede

Visions: Music

Okay, so I'm a musician. I play piano, flute, sing, and I dabble in guitar. So one day, I decided that I wanted to have a Christian display picture on my instant messaging account and took this picture. (Bonus points if you can figure out the song).
The only problem with this picture is that every time I look at it, the song gets stuck in my head... and mostly just that particular section of it. At first it doesn't bother me, but when I see the picture often... I get slightly tired of the song. Then I change my display picture.

~Godspede

Sermon 11

Sayeth David:

Passage: Psalm 23 NKJV
  The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
  He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
  He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness
         For His name’s sake.
  
  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil;
         For You are with me;
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
  
  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil;
         My cup runs over.
  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life;
         And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
         Forever.
shep·herd (ʃɛpərd): 1. A person who herds, tends, and guards sheep. 2. A person who protects, guides, or watches over a person or group of people.

I'm pretty sure that this Bible passage is the most famous passage. I mean, I have the whole thing memorized... and I was surprised when I went to look it up that I had memorized the New King James version of the passage. I don't think I even own a copy of that particular translation, and I do have several different Bibles.

Part of this Psalm is my second favourite Bible passage, right after Luke 23:39-43 ---the one with the two other criminals hanging on the crosses at the same time as Jesus, and where one is told He'll be in Paradise after standing up for Jesus and asking for redemption. Anyway, the part that's my favourite is the "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...", 'cause that really is what faith is to me: fearing nothing, not even death, because you know that God's going to be there right there beside you. I do take comfort in His rod and staff. I'm overfilled with His blessings.
Basically, what I'm saying is that I love Psalm 23 because it rings so, so true. That's probably why so many people know it, too. Psalm 23, one of many psalms of David, is a summary of our relationship with our Father, and a reminder that we can, as I read somewhere, let go and let God.

~Godspede